I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge
The reason there are no women football leagues is that 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Photos of me don’t do me justice. They just look like me.
It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core.
Lovely lady. Talented comedian too. We’ll miss her so much.